‘That’s amazing’. It’s not, you don’t give a crap anymore and you’re fast losing the will to live.
Oh Crumbs
Now, here we have the client who appears to reserve the function of eating until they’re sat in your immaculate chauffeur vehicle and by the sheer amount of food they’ve just purchased from the motorway services, the last time they ate was in the back of your car this time last year.
Admittedly, they do have the decency to come out with that little gem “you don’t mind if I eat in the car do you” but be aware that this is not actually a question, more of a statement of intent.
Believe me, if there’s a test of a chauffeur’s level of professionalism, this is it. The first thing you’ll hear is the unwrapping, a strangely infuriating sound that will cause instantaneous reactions in you. Your hands will immediately tighten on the steering wheel, blood will begin draining away from the vital organs, and your face will take on the sinister representation of a baddie from a Batman movie, (like you’re trying to say ‘I’m going to kill you’ through gritted teeth). Then, the wait begins, seconds seem like hours as packaging continues to be ripped open and you sense that fateful moment when their lack of hand control results in the sandwich flying one way and the carton another. There’s a moments silence as your frustration peaks and you await those immortal words, “I’m sorry, I’ve made a bit of a mess”. “Oh don’t worry, I’ll sort it out” has to be your response of course, calm and restrained when what you really want to do is pull over, open the back door and feed them every damn crumb individually, via their nasal passages.
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