Proper posh people smell musty.
Not posh people generally, just those old school sorts who hang paintings on the stairs, have ‘chums’, not friends and all know Dicky from Cowes. It’s not a wholly unpleasant aroma, just one that makes you want to give them a quick spray with Pledge.
Make sure you’re following the right escort vehicle to the right private jet.
If you’ve never been airside at a jet centre before, there are a few very important rules which you really need to follow to satisfy all that health and safety lark.
Try not to hit a wing tip because that’s just clumsy and people in high viz jackets tend to get annoyed. Prepare to feel a right plum if you follow the wrong escort vehicle to the wrong jet, (if, hypothetically, this had ever happened but it hasn’t, honest).
The week you think will be quiet never is.
Booked those dates by the pool in Spain for the week that’s been dead five years running? Good luck with that because Sod’s law dictates the diary will get choker and you’ll lose a fortune to subbies. This results in you harping on about how much work you’ve had to give away, the other half in tears because your beloved business is more important than them, and a holiday atmosphere akin to a fortnight with Andy Murray.
No one likes a smart arse.
If you want to be a chauffeur, just be a chauffeur and not a purveyor of ‘executive lifestyle choices’. We can all arrange exec jets and luxury hotel stays, it’s called having Google and a telephone. Have you genuinely got a fleet of ‘luxury top of the range vehicles including Range Rover and Bentley’ or a four year old E-Class and a computer in the spare bedroom? You’ll make yourself look silly eventually.
Big wheels aren’t practical.
Yes, they look nice and you can rekindle your boy racer days but on a chauffeur car they’re just no use at all. They make for an uncomfortable ride, tyres are more expensive, and the sight of a chauffeur in floods of tears after they’ve kerbed a fine pair of alloys is never good. Go on, be sensible just this once.