Why didn’t you tell me that before?

You never stop learning as a chauffeur but there’s undoubtedly occasions when a simple piece of advice might have made a difference.

So, take note of Andy Dubberley’s pearls of wisdom!

Don’t upset your local licensing officer.
It takes a certain kind of person to be a licensing officer, the type of person who wears tan socks with black trousers or writes to his MP if his wife gives him the wrong veg on a Sunday. These are the people who can make your life hell at the drop of a hat so brass them off by all means, but make sure you’re about to retire, move abroad, or preferably both before doing so.

Think twice before you agree to having anything to do with Glastonbury.
Bearing in mind most of us have made a pastime out of puddle avoidance, there is no valid reason on this earth why you would want to take your fifty grands worth of pride and joy to a place that resembles a landfill site after a monsoon. Mix what you’re going to put your vehicle through with the pungent smell of unwashed twenty-somethings, moody bands you’ve never heard of wearing muddy boots, and toilet conditions animal welfare charities would balk at. All making for a classic ‘did I charge enough for this’ moment.

Never trust a Prius driver.

Well you can if you want but chances are you’ll lose a bit of your bodywork. If Prius drivers could use wing mirrors as well as they do sat navs the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, far too many Prius drivers have taken the well meaning job centre’s advice “get your PCO badge and you’ll never look back” a little too literally.

Middle Eastern clients’ luggage.
You’ll learn.

Be nice to the hotel doorman.
Here is an individual with more power than Donald Trump’s wig comber. Licensing officers are mere mortals by comparison. Yes, your boss might slip them a twenty but what sway does a piddly score carry when they’ve got Arab princes dropping them a couple of fifties every time they move a traffic cone to accommodate the Bugatti. Give them any lip and you might as well shoot yourself in the left buttock with a rusty arrow for all the good it’s going to do. Fact… there’s always someone more important than you and your principal.

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