Ten things you must never say to a chauffeur

Andy Dubberley shares ten things a chauffeur just hates to hear.

‘You can do mine when you’ve finished’. My, that was witty, I think a bit of wee just came out.

‘Missed a bit!’ You my friend are indeed a comedy genius, now walk on before I give you a slap.

‘Oh dear, looks like I should have told you to bring the people carrier’. Well why the $*^# didn’t you then?

‘So sorry, I always leave something in the car don’t I!’ Yes, with the exception of a tip it appears.

‘We can put that case on the front seat can’t we?’. Look closely, then raise your hand if you can see the letters ‘DHL’ emblazoned anywhere upon my very expensive and immaculate Mercedes saloon car.

‘Sorry, I think I might have left some crumbs in the back of your car’. Sorry, I think I might leave you on the hard shoulder.

‘Was this broken before?’. No, because I’ve never driven you before, you fiddling oaf.

‘I’ve given you the date I depart, not the date I arrive haven’t I?’. Explain to me again how you made CEO?

‘I need to make a booking for Luton Airport’. I need to be ill that day.

‘Would you mind if we collected Fifi from the cattery on the way home?’. Yes.

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